Broken
by GaysAndHipstersUnite
Summary: [SHELVED]It's been 6 weeks since I told Dr. Burke that I was ready, ready to tear down that wall inside me. I was actually ready… Hell, who am I kidding! I'm scared out of my mind, but somehow I feel this time might be different. Rated M for Chapter 2.
1. Chapter 1

Chapter 1: Broken

It's been 6 weeks since I told Dr. Burke that I was ready, ready to tear down that wall inside me. I was actually ready… Hell, who am I kidding? I'm scared out of my mind, but somehow I feel this time might be different.

_ "Kate. Kate, please don't go. Kate, come on. Kate, I-..Kate, I love you. I love you, Kate."_

The mere memory of his voice made my cheeks go red. He loves me. ME. Kate Beckett, horribly wounded-no, scratch that. I'm broken…broken and unfixable. I've told him this a million times but he doesn't believe me. He continues to believe in me…believe in us. Whatever "us" even means...or if there even is an "us" to begin with.

"Morning, boys!" a voice cried out

As soon as I heard his voice, my heart skipped a beat. I didn't look up my computer but the thought of him with that stupid boyish grin I love seeing him wear made me blush even more. I must've had a pretty stupid look on my face because when I looked up, I noticed Ryan nudge Esposito to look my way, but I didn't care. My eyes were only for that adorably annoying man-child heading towards me. As soon as Castle handed me my coffee, our hands touched for the slightest moment…I shuddered. My reaction was not left unnoticed by Castle whose grin turned into a full-blown smile as he sat down.

"Thank you", I said as I took a very much needed sip of coffee

"Always", his reply barely audible

He was doing it again. He was pulling my heart-strings without even trying. Suffice to say, words escaped me and all I could manage was a smile. I went back to my paperwork and a few SECONDS into it, I noticed him looking at him. Normally I would've yelled at him and poke the hell out of him but today was different…I was different. I let it pass, hoping he'd stop. After a while, I noticed Ryan, Esposito and a few other uniforms were also watching him watch me. I turned off my computer and gave him a stern look. Well, tried to at least.

"Castle"

"What?" he answered innocently, eyebrows raised

This. This child-like side of him was something I could never seem to get enough of. I softened my look and looked him in the eye and said,

"You're staring at me…I must look really bad."

"No, I just thought I'd never see you…doing paper work again."

He winked at me, his blue eyes twinkling, clearly remembering our conversation in the hospital months ago. I let out a small chuckle and shook my head in disbelief. I looked up at him and held his gaze. In those few moments, I could feel that wall inside me crumbling down. He didn't build a door, climb a ladder or dig a hole; Castle broke through the damn thing and left nothing but rubble. Part of me wanted to run away and crawl back into that hole but his gaze kept me there…anchored to him, to the world. Both of us were deep in thought, lost in each other when someone in the background cleared his throat.

"Uh...boss, you two busy? Cuz there's a body over at 45th and Lexington." Esposito said, trying to hide the curiosity in his voice.

"Right. Let's go, Castle"

I grabbed my jacket and headed to the elevator, Castle not far behind me and the boys.

When we got to the crime scene, Lanie was already beside the body writing down her preliminary conclusions.

"Still no coffee or bear claw for the M.E.?" Lanie said, glaring at Castle

"Not today, my beautiful medical examiner. Maybe tomorrow" Castle said as he gave her a little wink

I couldn't help but grin at the two of them but immediately stopped when Lanie caught my eye and glared.

"Okay. So, who's our John Doe?"

"Daniel Evans, 27. He works at the Post Office right beside us. I'd say TOD was between 10 and 2 this morning. COD was a clean GSW to the chest. Judging by the size of the entry wound, I'd say we're looking for a .38. Also, I found a bruise pattern on his left cheek similar to that of a gun. Other than that, there were no indications of a struggle."

"So what's a mail delivery guy doing in the alley right next to his office?" asked Castle as he hovered next to the body.

"Whatever it is you're thinking I'm pretty sure it's got nothing to do with the CIA—"

Castle raised his finger in an attempt to save his colorful theories but I beat him to the punch.

"Or aliens"

Again.

"Or time-travelling murderers"

And Again.

"Or crazy vigilante super-heroes."

He crossed his arms, pouted like a little child and walked away. Castle's reaction to it all made me smile a little more than I normally would at a crime scene. I turned around and saw Lanie looking at me with questioning eyes.

"Girl, we've been here before. Are you gonna tell me or am I gonna have to smack it out of you?"

"I have no idea what you're talking about."

Before she could say anything, I turned around and jogged to Castle's side. We walked over to Ryan and Esposito who were just finishing getting statements from anyone who might've seen anything.

"Did anyone see…hear anything?"

"Well, it could be a robbery gone bad. All his cash is gone, same goes for personal effects except his wallet. Evans's boss said he left work at around 6 last night. Owner of the jewellery store across says our vic did go home at around 6 then went back to this alley at around 7, right around the time he was closing." Esposito said, recounting what he'd just heard from his notes.

"Then the 24-hour security guard of said store said that Evans hung around all alone until about 9pm when three guys walked up to him. He said they didn't look they were from this side of town but he said the vic acted as if he knew them so he didn't bother." Ryan continued.

"Wait. If there was a 24-hour security guard across the street, then why didn't he help Evans when he got shot?" Castle asked, seemingly over his previous fit.

"We thought that too. Apparently, our security guard left his post and got a little busy with a waitress who works a block away." Ryan said, looking at Esposito who was laughing at what his partner said.

I turned to Castle to see if he knew what the hell was going on but he was intently texting someone on this phone. Instead, I turned back to the boys who were apparently watching me and Castle the whole time.

"Anyways, keep looking around to see if anyone saw or heard something. Bring the security guard down to 12th to a sketch artist. See if he can help us find those guys."

The boys gave a quick nod and headed their way. I turned to Castle and saw his brows furrowed in worry.

"Something wrong, Castle?"

"It's nothing. Alexis sent me a text. She says she's not feeling well so she's going home."

"You should go home and take care of her. "

_** Stay**_

"Sure about that? I could stay and help around for a little bit, you know."

"Of course. This is your daughter we're talking about. Go take a rain check. We'll be fine."

_**They will. But I won't.**_

I smiled, hoping he wouldn't see through me.

"Thanks, Beckett."

He gave an appreciative smile and hailed a cab. I watched the cab as it drove away, slowly disappearing from view. Part of me wanted to make him stay. Part of me wanted to go with him and help him take care of Alexis. Quite frankly, I wasn't exactly sure where I was headed. All I know is that wherever this road I'm on is taking me, I want Castle to be beside me every step of the way. Without him here, I knew this was gonna be a long day.


	2. Chapter 2

A/N: Sorry it took me so long guys! I decided to change the rating to M for the smut in this chapter. Let it be known that there will still be fluff in the next chapters. I'll try to post a new chapter every week from now on since Christmas break is almost near. Tell me what you guys think!

Disclaimer: I don't own Castle…but I wish I did.

Chapter 2:

I was the only one left at the precinct that night, finishing all the reports regarding the Daniel Evans case. On my way to the elevator, I got a text from Castle.

C: Alexis is fine and is now in her friend's house for a sleepover. Dead BORED. Come over for a movie?

I could tell he was taking a big risk by sending this message, but in the end, I was taking an even bigger one by answering.

K: Sure. Be there in 20.

I took a deep breath and looked at my phone again.

_**Did I just really tell Castle I'd go over to his apartment for a movie?**_

His reply not only woke me from my thoughts but also made my heart flutter…

C: Can't wait.

I put my phone in my bag and took another deep breath, trying to take it all in. I composed myself and drove to Castle's.

Stan, the doorman, greeted a good evening and let me up the elevator. The feeling I had sort of reminded me of when I'm on my way to a takedown…only I wasn't this big of a nervous wreck. As soon as I reached his apartment's door, I panicked, but before I could decide whether to run away or not, the door opened before me.

"Kate, dear! What on earth are you doing standing outside our door?"

It was Martha. She threw her arm around me and pushed me inside the apartment. She motioned for me to relax and stay still.

"Richard! Kate's here!" she yelled while making elaborate gestures.

Her son came running to the living room where Martha and I were standing by the door.

"Honestly, Richard. How slow can you be?" Martha exclaimed, feigning annoyance at her son while giving him knowing looks.

"Sorry about that, mother. I was on the phone."

"Well, I don't care what you were doing. Next time I call you, you better put a stop to whatever it is you're doing and attend to me. Now, you two enjoy you're evening and I'll be on my way."

"Of course, mother. I'd stop the world from revolving for you."

"Very funny, Richard." Martha gave her son a kiss goodbye then turned to me

"Nice to see you again, Kate."

With that, she left us alone…but not without giving Castle and me suspicious looks.

Castle took hold of my hand and only then did I realize that I've been frozen still the entire time. I stiffened beneath his touch. I looked up at him and saw the worry on his face, afraid he might've made a mistake…moved too fast. He loosened his grip but I tightened mine. I took hold of his hand and led him to the couch. Once we reached the couch only did I let go of his hand. Even then, I made sure to keep mine only a few inches away from his. I looked up at him and I could see a mixture of shock and worry in his eyes…yet I also saw that desire and yearning in his eyes. I gave him the warmest and most sincere smile I could possible give. To my surprise, it came a lot easier than I had expected.

"Kate, I-"

"Rick."

I hardly ever called him that. It was always Castle. I always kept it professional between us, trying so hard not to get close to him. But tonight was something entirely different, something I hadn't done before. My voice sounded deeper than usual…a lot more sensual and seductive.

"Yeah?"

I slowly made my way across the couch, keeping only a few inches between our faces. I could feel my heart beating faster and faster. I thought about crawling back into that hole, but then I looked in Rick's eyes and saw his desire…his want…his need to be with me. I leaned in, hoping he'd respond and give me a hand…which he did.

"Hmm… Smells like cherries"

I closed my eyes and the last thing I felt was his warm breath against my skin…then all of sudden his lips came crashing against mine. It was rough yet passionate, lustful yet full of love. His tongue had found its way into my mouth as I bit his lower lip. We tasted each other, savouring each moment…our tongues fighting inside our mouths. Rick put his hand behind my neck, egging me closer to him, as I held on to his dark curls for dear life. His touch was warm, and it sent chills throughout my body…melting my heart that had turned cold all these years. We pulled apart with aching jaws, both of us were out of breathe. Rick pulled me on top of him so I was straddling him with my knees. He pulled me in closer and started to kiss my lips softly. In between his soft kisses and sweet words, I could feel my need, my hunger growing stronger and stronger. Rick's lips slowly made its way to my neck…searching my skin for my pulse. When he found it, he let out what seemed like a small growl then sucked it. I shuddered under his touch, my center growing wetter and wetter. The heat between us was too much for me to take; I took off my jacket and threw it on the floor. I felt Rick's hand inside my shirt, making their way up my body…stopping only when they found my breasts. He cupped them in his hands and caressed them, feeling my erection through the fabric. I moaned, encouraging him to continue.

"Rick…"

He stopped kissing me and dropped his hands to my waist. I looked at him, trying to figure out what was wrong. The lust and hunger in my eyes were just as evident in his. Rick pulled me in closer, so close I could feel our hearts racing together. He held my face in his hands and kissed me softly on the lips. He made a trail of kisses across my cheeks to my ear where he whispered softly.

"Tell me you need me"

His whisper, barely audible but all the more sensual. His breath, hot against my skin, sent chills across my body…causing my center to ache even harder with desire. He started kissing me again, each kiss softer and shorter than the last. He was teasing me…but I didn't care. I needed him…now more than ever.

"God, Rick! I need you. I need you inside me…please, Rick."

My words came out as a slur but still, the lust and hunger that was in his eyes were now more evident in every kiss, every touch.

"I'm gonna need you to take off your shirt, Mr. Castle." I told him teasingly, my hands moved to his chest…slowly unbuttoning his polo.

When his shirt came undone, Rick dropped his hands to the edge of my shirt, pulled it off me and threw it on the floor. I stood up in front of him and slowly undid my pants. I felt his eyes scan my body from head to toe. His eyes stopped somewhere around my chest. I thought he'd been admiring the work that he'd done, then I realized what he was looking at. He was looking at my scar. Both my hands immediately shot up to cover the wound that'll forever symbolize my close encounter with death. Rick stood up, gave my shoulders a quick squeeze and kissed me on the forehead. He made his way down, leaving a trail of kisses until he reached my hands. He took them in his hands, putting the down and kissed my scar, making me shudder.

"You're perfect, Kate. You're—"

"No, I'm not. I'm—"

"Kate, listen to me. This scar is just another proof of how brave, dedicated and amazing you are."

With those words I knew this was it. He was it. My _**one and done. **_I kissed him, feeling our body crash against one another. I savoured the taste of him as we explored each other's mouths. We stumbled back to the couch where we both struggled to take off Rick's pants. When we finally got it off, we sat in silence for a minute or two. We just looked at each other, soaking up the sights and sounds. His deep blue eyes, twinkling in the dim light. His heartbeat racing with mine.

Rick dropped his hands to my waist, helping me up. I slowly lowered myself onto him, feeling him inch by inch until he was completely inside me. We both moaned as I threw my head back. He started thrusting his hips faster, making me moan louder. My hands found their way on to Rick's neck. I clung to him, moving my hips to his rhythm.

"Kate…I-"

"I'm almost there, Rick. Wait for me."

My whisper was barely audible but he heard it loud and clear. He groaned quite loudly and started thrusting his hips faster and harder. I matched each exit with small whine and each entrance with a moan that encouraged him to go on.

With one final thrust, Rick and I came together. I felt my walls tighten around his length as we both screamed each other's name into the night. I found myself resting my head on his bare chest, my fingers making circular motions. He took my hand and brought it up to his lips…then he slowly kissed each one of my fingers.

"Rick…" I sighed as I close my eyes.

This simple action was enough to get my center to ache again. I stiffened under his touch…my breaths became shorter and faster. I saw him grin mischievously and his blue eyes twinkling with the sudden realization of my growing need.

"How about we take this to my bedroom?"

A/N: How about it? Was it acceptable for a first time smut scene? This is all new to me, by the way. I'd really appreciate comments and such.


	3. Chapter 3

**A/N: There's a change of perspectives from since there are scenes where Kate and Rick are alone. I'll be going back to first person after this. Next chapter is Rick's POV by the way.**

**It's the morning after their first time in bed, what do you think Kate will do?**

**Disclaimer: I still don't own Castle…but I'm still wishing I did**

Kate opened her yes, trying to catch her breath. She smiled to herself as she brought her fingers up to her mouth, licking the one by one.

"It's never been that vivid before," she thought to herself.

Kate turned to the night stand to look at the time. To her surprise, she found a picture of Alexis and Martha. A sudden shock of realization shot up her spine. It was all real. She did go to Castle's apartment…and they had sex on the couch….and again in his bedroom.

"Shit! How the hell did this happen?"

Kate cursed to herself as she slowly made her way to Castle's closet. She grabbed the first robe she could fine and threw it on. She made her way to the living room which seemed undisturbed. She found their clothes scattered all over the floor. Kate quickly put her clothes on then cleaned up the mess they'd left. It would've been embarrassing if Alexis or Martha had come home to find Castle's clothes all over the floor. Kate looked at the clock. It was half-past eleven, about four hours since she had arrived. She grabbed her leather jacket and walked out the door.

"Is this really what I'm supposed to be doing?" Kate sighed under her breath/

She looked at herself on her car's mirror and found a couple hickeys on her neck. She couldn't help but smile at the memory of Castle kissing her. Kate let out a deep sigh and drove home_._

"_I don't need to try and control you_

_Look into my eyes and I'll own you._

_With the moves like Jagger._

_I've got them moves like Jagger._

_I've got them moves like Jagger."_

Castle groaned as he tried to reach for his phone. When found it, he put it to his ear without looking at the caller ID.

"Huh…?"

"Castle! Wake up, bro! We've got a DB in 45th and Lex. Same as yesterday." Esposito's voice booming over the receiver.

"Uhh...5 more minutes." Castle groaned, his eyes still adjusting to the sun.

"Whatever, Castle. Oh and by the way, do you know what happened to Beckett?"

Castle instinctively turned to his side but found nothing.

"Why? What happened to her?" Castle's senses were now awake, his voice filled with concern and worry.

"Nothing major. She called in sick this morning but she seemed fine yesterday."

"Oh…actually, Esposito. I might also call a rain check on this one."

"Uhuh. Sure thing." Esposito said slyly

Castle heard Ryan shouting in the background when Esposito put the receiver down then threw his iPhone on his bed. His heart sank. Kate had left in the middle of the night…and was now avoiding him? He silently cursed himself.

_** "I shouldn't have pushed her." **_

Castle took a quick shower then headed out to the living room where he found his mother reading a magazine on the couch.

"Mother, when did you get back?"

"About 20 minutes ago."

Martha looked at her son and gave him a wink. Meanwhile, Castle just stood there with his eye brows raised…but before he could utter a word, Martha had cut him off.

"But the real question, my boy, is what did YOU do last night?" Martha said as she motioned for her son to sit beside her.

She put down the magazine and waited for his response. Rick let out a small sigh and his face behind his hands.

"We…uhh…you know…"

"Made hot, passionate, steamy love?" Martha finished for him

"Yeah. Something like that." Rick muttered as his cheeks turned into a shade of red.

"Look at you, Richard! Blushing like a teenage boy after his first kiss!"

Rick looked away with a pained expression on his face.

"Honestly, Richard. Have I thought you nothing? Beckett loves you, she really does. That's why last night was as magical as it was. Because it meant something. To both of you."

Martha's voice was soft and sincere. She put her hand on Castle's shoulder and gave him a soft squeeze.

"I thought so too, Mother. Until I woke up and found Beckett gone."

"Well, maybe—"

"She called in sick this morning and she's not answering her phone"

"Did you think that maybe she's scared?"

"Scared? Scared of what?

"Scared of whatever it is that you two have. May I remind you, son. You don't exactly have the greatest track record of being a one woman kind of man" Martha said sternly.

"Well…yeah. But this is Beckett and I love—do you really think she feels that way?"

Castle's voice was panicked and full of disgust. Not for Beckett, but for himself.

"Do I really make her feel that way?" Castle thought to himself

"Maybe. The only thing you can do is talk to her. Sort this out."

Castle rushed to the door but stopped midway. He turned to his mother and gave her a grateful smile.

"Thank you. For everything."

Martha held back the tears as she gave her son a knowing smile and nod of approval then returned to her magazine.

Kate had woken up to the sound of her cell phone ringing. It was Esposito. There was another dead body in 45th and Lexington but she decided to call-in sick. This was not the time to go step into a crime scene and face Castle in front of all those people. As soon as Esposito put down the receiver, she dialled a number she hadn't called in a while.

"This is gonna be awkward," she thought to herself while waiting for the other end of the line to pick up.

"Kate, it's been quite some time. What can I do for you?

"Yeah, it has been quite some time. Sorry to disturb you but can I set an appointment today?"

"Sure. Be here around 8?"

"That's great. Thank you, Dr. Burke."

With that, she put her phone on her night-stand and sat down on her bed. Kate looked at the time and when she saw it was already 7:15, she hurried to her bathroom. She took a quick shower and laid out a navy blue sweater, a white polo and jeans. Kate noticed her phone light up several times. She sighed and looked at the caller ID.

It's him.

Kate froze, unsure of what to do. She quickly put on her clothes, grabbed her things and rushed out the door. A few seconds later, she felt her phone vibrating in her pocket. She looked at the ID…it's Castle. When her phone stopped ringing, she turned it off and put if back in her pocket. She drove to Dr. Burke's office in a hurry, constantly looking around her for someone or something that might reveal her.

"God, I hate this. I hate lying to the boys. I should be at the pen working this case with them," she muttered to herself.

At that very moment, she turned her head to see a life-size cut out of Castle posing with his latest Nikki Heat book. Her heart sank. She hated lying to him and she hated not being with him. But she was afraid and confused…about what last night really meant to her…to the both of them.

Dr. Burke was sitting in his usual seat with that straight face Kate hadn't seen in a long time. He motioned for her to sit down, but she refused.

"So, what's on your mind?"

"It's about Castle."

"Is he seeing someone that…bothers you again?" Dr. Burke asked with a playful tone…clearly remembering Kate's visit regarding Serene Kaye.

Kate rolled her eyes and sat down. She covered her face with both hands, struggling to say the words.

"We…uh…"

Kate let out a deep sigh.

"Kate?"

"We had sex, okay?" Kate said, finally looking at Dr. Burke.

A small grin formed on Dr. Burke's face.

"So what's the problem? He loves you doesn't he?"

"I guess…"

"I guess? You told me you heard him say he loves you", Dr. Burke asked, shifting his position…a clear change in the tone of his voice.

"I did. But it's been months. His feelings could've changed", Kate forced herself to choke out the words, refusing to accept their meaning.

"Well, what does he have to say about it?"

"We haven't talked. I left his place as soon as I realized what was happening…what the hell do I do now?"

"Talk to him, Kate."

She silently drove home, planning what she was going to say. Kate tried to simulate every possible scenario just like she did during interrogations. For some reason, she found herself unable to accept every scenario she could predict. Kate had never been one for confrontations. She hated them…but this was Castle. She couldn't bear to lose him. Not now. Not ever.

Kate had decided that she would wait for Castle to bring up the matter. That way, she'd be sure that what happened between them actually meant more than just a one-night stand. Kate was completely lost in thought as she made her way up to her apartment. She stopped at the sight of a slumped figure sitting outside her apartment.

"Castle?"

Castle stirred at the sounds of her voice.

"Kate! Where the heck have you been?" Castle said as he stood up. His voice was filled with a mixture of anger and concern.

"Oh you know somewhere. I just needed some air", Kate shrugged as she opened the door to her apartment.

She motioned for Castle to enter, which he did. Kate went to her bedroom and carefully kept her mother's ring and father's watch.

"So, uh, what're you doing here, Castle?" she yelled from her bedroom.

"I wanted to talk to you…"

Kate entered her living room and saw Castle holding a think, white envelope. She gasped.

"…about us and this." Rick continued as he raised the envelope.

"I…uh…"

Kate was completely dumb-founded.

"Say something, Kate! Dammit, you've ran this scenario in your head a thousand times." Kate thought to herself, biting her lower lip.

"Did you sleep with me because you learned that Josh was getting married? That he'd gotten over you so quickly?" Castle said his voice was accusing and angry at the same time.

Kate's eyes started tearing up…she was frozen in place. No words escaped her. Not one.

Castle's expression softened as he walked towards her.

"Say something, please?"

He held her face in his hands, forcing her to face him but she refused to meet his gaze.

"It's unfair. THIS is unfair. How can he blame me one moment and act like nothing's wrong the next? Since when did Castle have this kind of hold over me?" Kate thought to herself, as tears started rolling down her cheeks.

"Kate, just tell me-"

"Tell you what, Castle?" Kate said as she met his gaze for the first time

"That I _don't _blame myself for what happened to Capt. Montgomery? That I _didn't_ believe you when you told me you love me? That it _didn't _hurt me to see you kiss Serena Kaye? Or that last night meant nothing? Well, I can't. Because I do blame myself, I did believe you, it did hurt and it did mean something, Castle. It does."

Kate was now in tears. She leaned against the wall as she closed her eyes, trying to soak up all that she said.

"You heard me?"Castle said, breaking the silence between them.

"Yes" was all Kate managed to choke out.

He took one long stride so that his face was now inches away from hers.

"Why didn't you tell me?"

His voice was angry and hopeful at the same time.

"I…I thought you'd changed your mind." Kate said as she tried to convince him…and herself.

"I stayed, Kate. If I change my mind, then I would've left a long time ago…"

"Rick—"

"Kate…it's not about the books anymore…"

"Castle, don't do this to me. And please don't say that."

"Don't what? I'm not asking you to do or say anything. I'm merely stating a fact. Kate, I lo—"

"Don't Castle! Please, not right now."

Kate escaped his grasp and rushed to her bedroom. Castle followed her and waited outside her door.

"If not now, then when?"

He waited for a respond but heard nothing but sobs.

"Fine. I'll wait. I've waited all my—"

"Rick, don't. Just forget it ever happened." Kate sobbed as she struggled to even out her breathing.

"Kate, I can't…but if you tell me that you and I will never be more than friends then I'll leave you alone. One word from you and I promise you that I will never bother you again."

Kate closed her eyes…trying to imagine what life before Castle was like, what life without Castle would be like.

"I…I can't tell you that, Castle."

Castle's eyes widened as his heart beat faster than ever. He has a chance. THEY have a chance.

"You know Dr. Burke asked what I was really afraid of: that you won't wait for me…or that you will. If you had moved on and found someone, then I would've been happy for you. I would've moved on and force myself to get over you. But if you chose…choose to wait and be with me…I…I fear that I wouldn't be able to make you stay. I told you, Castle. I won't be able to be in that kind of relationship that I want and be the kind of person that I want to be until that wall inside me goes down."

She took a deep breath. She'd never let anyone get under her skin like that. But for some reason, she felt better…like all those years of pain and suffering never happened.

"I really, really, REALLY like you, Castle."

Castle stiffened at the sound of those words. It was all too familiar…the very same words she used when she told him about her break up with Josh.

"I know those aren't the words you want to hear…

_**That you deserve to hear**_

__…but it's all I can give you at the moment. And I know this is so selfish of me, Castle. But I can't bear to…lose you."

The last two words were softer than a whisper but Castle heard them just fine.

"You'll never lose me", he thought as he smiled to himself.

Castle could not find the words to express the emotions running through him. He nodded to himself, as if accepting all the words that he had just heard. All of a sudden, Castle's cell phone started ringing.

"Well, I guess that's my cue to go…"

He waited for a moment, thinking she would say something.

"Goodnight, Beckett."

Castle headed towards the door feeling a brand new sense of hope. He was half-way out when he heard Kate called after him.

"Castle?"

He turned himself slightly, just enough for him to see her. Beckett's eyes were red from all the crying and she was wearing a Derrick Strom t-shirt. He smiled softly.

"Yeah?"

"Stay with me?"

Castle closed the front door and wordlessly followed Kate into her bedroom. He awkwardly laid down on the opposite side of the bed but Kate moved towards him and placed her head on the crook of his neck. Castle responded by putting his arm around her. When he thought she was asleep, he kissed her head and whispered softly,

"Always"

A smile formed on Kate's face. She fit him perfectly. For the first time in a really long time, the nightmares would not come. She went into the night knowing that tomorrow holds a brighter promise, that tomorrow he would still be there.

**A/N: Major fluff, yes? Tell me what you think. My friend said that Kate was sooo vulnerable which is something I intended to do. This is the Kate Beckett that no one's seen and is currently hiding behind that dang wall. Reviews, please? I hope I get 25 before December 25 ;) Till next time!**


	4. Chapter 4

**Chapter 4- Rick**

**A/N: Sorry it took forever! Apparently, Christmas season is a whole lot more stressful than I thought. Hope you enjoy!**

***Do take note that this a bit OOC **

**OH and there's an "adult" scene towards the end"**

…..

_(Dad! Dad! Dad! Dad! Dad! Dad! Dad! Dad! Dad! Dad! Dad! Dad! Dad!)_

I woke up to the sound of my phone ringing, which I immediately answered…afraid I might wake up Kate. I moved to the living room before answering the phone. Even then, I still couldn't believe all that had transpired a few hours ago. My thoughts were broken by the sound of a familiar voice shouting from a distance. It was then that I remembered that I was on the phone.

"Dad? Dad?"

"Heh?"

"Dad! Are you okay? Where are you? I sent you a thousand texts do you have ANY IDEA how worried I've been? I mean, seriously! How hard is it to send a text message or answer any of my phone calls?

"Alexis—"

"How could you do this to me? Think about what you put me and grandma through! We have been worried sick!"

"Alexis, do you really expect me to believe that my mother, your grandmother, is having a panic attack because it's 2 am and I'm not home?"

"Well…."

"No, I'm not Richard. I'm quite fine actually. How's Beckett?" a familiar voice said in the background with a knowing tone.

"Fine, actually. Well, I THINK she's a lot better than she was when I got here."

"Dad, are you and Detective Beckett…?"

"…What...Oh! N-n-no! She's not feeling well so I thought maybe I could help her." I blurted out.

I never dreamt the day would come when Alexis would catch me with a woman who isn't her or my mother at 2 in the morning. What made the thought even more depressing that it was with Kate. Normally, I would have been thrilled to be with Kate at this hour (and I am) but not when my teenage daughter thinks of her as just another conquest.

"Oh…" Alexis said through the receiver, her voice sounded a bit sad.

"What's that supposed to mean?" I asked innocently

"Well, it's just that… I thought you guys were you know…doing something more…intimate?"

My face immediately lost its color at the sound of those words.

"Oh for Christ's sake! Breathe, Richard! What your daughter means is that she expected, well, we expected, that you and Beckett are now…how do kids say it these days? An item?" My mother exclaimed, breaking that awkward silence between us.

"An item? What on earth would make you think Beckett and I are an item?" I asked with curiosity.

It's true though. I mean, I've had feelings for Beckett pretty much since I laid eyes on her but how come Alexis knows? The only other person on this planet who knows how I feel about Beckett (other than Kate) is my mother.

"…I've seen the way you look at her dad. It's not really that hard to connect the dots…"

"The…way…I look at her?"

"Yeah. I mean, I don't really know how to explain it. It's just that, whenever you see her, it's like she's the only thing in the room. It's actually really cute. The way you smile at her or how you always laugh at her jokes. Bringing her coffee every single day and you know, it's kinda obvious she likes you too." Alexis said softly.

"Really, now?" I asked through my growing smile.

"Yeah. I mean, you've been with other girls before and none of them has ever taken the time to get to know me. I mean, even Meredith didn't exactly put me on top of her list. Detective Beckett, on the other hand, treats me like…like…"

"Like what?"

"…her own daughter." Alexis whispered, proud and shy at the same time.

"Alexis…"

"Yeah, yeah. I know mom loves me but I just can't help it! I've never really had the female figure to turn to for boy problems and all that… no offense, grandma."

"None taken, sweetie." Mother said calmly in the background "which is why your daughter and I have lead to that conclusion that you and Beckett are together"

"I'm not really sure what we are exactly. But I'm glad to know you think of her that way, sweetie… oh and uhm, exactly what kind of boy problems are we talking about here?"

"Good night, dad." Alexis chuckled.

"Good night, sweetie."

With that, I ended our call and stared blankly into space…lost in thought. I flash back to all the times Kate and Alexis had been together and it was just then did I realize how…ease they were with one another. Alexis was always nice to the girls I've been with but never quite like the way she'd been with Kate. The thought warmed my heart. The two ladies who've been with me all my life are just about as crazy as I am over Kate.

"So…you're just as confused about this as I am, huh?" a voice said from behind.

In an instant I was back to reality. I turned around to see Kate leaning on the frame of her door. She was wearing an oversized Derrick Storm t-shirt with her hair falling perfectly to frame her beautiful face.

"Beckett, how…how long have you been there?" I stammered.

Hell. Even when she just got out of bed and has done nothing to fix herself up Kate still managed to make my knees go weak.

She slowly walked towards me, her arms crossed, my heart beating louder and faster with each step. Oh and did I mention that she was doing it in a VERY seductive manner? Yeah, she was. Beckett stopped a few inches before me and looked me in the eyes.

"Long enough. Oh and it's Kate" she whispered.

_**Kate.**_

That was the last word I heard before her lips came crashing down on mine and everything went black. I managed to compose myself, enough to be able to kiss her back and keep myself from falling flat on my butt. We pulled apart because sad to say, we needed air to breathe. I could say that Kate was all that I'd need to live, emotionally that is, but that alone wouldn't do me any good. I needed to be with her, see her, feel her…I needed her.

_**I…I wanted her. **_

"I think…we need to talk" I said flatly

Kate looked at me with questioning eyes but nodded anyways.

"What exactly is going on between us?" I asked

"I really don't know. I mean, where should we begin?" she said, looking down on the floor.

"You like me."

Kate's head shot up to meet my gaze.

_**Was she blushing?**_

"I do. And quite frankly, I'm not sure what to make of it." She said quietly.

"Well, based on my professional experience…this is where I ask you to be my girl friend and we rush back to either one of our houses and do…intimate things" I said nonchalantly.

I knew for a fact Kate was never a talker. She hated talking about personal things, especially things that involve emotions. I decided that for her sake (and partly for mine), I'd make this conversation as normal and quick as possible.

"Well, you're in my house and we were doing intimate things before you interrupted us…"

"So, I take it I'm you're my girlfriend now?"

"What do you think?"

She gave me one of those famous Detective Beckett looks as I held back a gigantic grin.

"And the inner man-child comes out…" she smiled

"I can't help it! Saying the word makes me feel so mature."

"What word? Girlfriend?"

"HA! You said it! You. Are. MY. Girlfriend." I grinned proudly

"Say it all you want. Just make sure none of the guys in the precinct hear you…kitten" Kate said as she headed to her bedroom.

I chased after her and pinned her to the bed, nibbling on the soft spot behind her ear, making her shudder.

"I thought I told you never to call me kitten ever again." I whispered

"What are you gonna do about it?" she whispered back

She was playing with me. I knew for a fact I'd lose but I couldn't help myself.

Our mouths collided as our tongues fought with one another. With one swift move, we switched positions. I was now lying on my back and Kate was on top of me. I took her shirt off before kissing the pulse at her neck. She grabbed a fistful of my hair as she ground herself on my lap. I could my length getting harder underneath her as our kisses became more intense. I lowered one hand to cup her ass as our hips collided. Kate pulled back and placed both my hands on her breasts as she used her to play with her aching center. The sight of her pleasuring herself made it extremely hard for me to control myself. all the while, I continued to grind my hips to hers…feeling her wetness grow.

"God, Castle. I'm almost there." She moaned

She inserted another finger as her thrusts became faster, her breathing shorter. Just when I thought all hell would break lose, Kate suddenly stopped. She quickly took whatever clothing I had left on and threw it on the floor. With one fluid motion, she had taken in my entire length. We both moaned together as I entered her fully. My hands went to her hips, helping her as she grinded her hips against mine.

"Fuck. Kate, I…I can't hold it in anymore." I muttered under my breath

"Wait for me…God. Together…"

"Always…" I sighed

With one simple word, we went over the edge…shouting each other's name in ecstasy. I fall back on the pillow, struggling to even my breathing. Kate leaned forward and kissed me softly on the lips.

"Honestly, I was expecting another one of your annoyingly adorable come backs. But that works too.." she said teasingly

"Ha. I figured you'd enjoy that more than a sim—"

I turned to Kate who was slowly making her way down as a small mischievous grin formed on her face. I took a deep breath and smiled at her knowingly.

"Just remember, my safe word is apples"

…..

**A/N: Comments? This is another first person POV so ..i really wanna know how I did.**

**As for the rest, you guys know the drill. Comment. Favorite. Subscribe **


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